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Saturday, January 29, 2011

Big Tough Girl-Trisha


I was born in 1978 and was given up for adoption, I grew up always knowing I was adopted and always had the intense curiosity to know where I came from. My adoption was completely closed, I knew nothing about my birthparents. I always had the deep questions in my heart...why was I given up for adoption? Did she ever see me? Does she ever think about me? Who do I look like? Just lots of questions kept running through my head constantly, they never went away. When I was 17 I ended up pregnant, I had started the adoption process...I knew that I could not take care of him and the birthfather already said he was not going to be around for the baby and wasn't going to pay either. With my parents we went to the adoption agency and no matter how much I went there the feeling wasn't right. Finally me and my mom were in the bathroom and we looked at each other and said this isn't right. So from there we decided to keep him and they would help me. I raised him for 2 years and the feeling still didn't feel right. We always acted like brother and sister, so I finally asked my parents if they would adopt him. They said yes and from then on we are brother and sister and it feels right. Don't ask me how...but it does. He is almost 15 now and knows I am his birthmother and is ok with it.
In 2001 I became pregnant once again...from the very beginning I knew this baby was not meant to stay with me, her family was somewhere else and it was my responsibility to find them. The birthfather was being like most birthfathers...difficult. I was living in Maryland at the time and he had me backed into a corner, if I stayed in Maryland I would have no choice but to keep her and raise her, and I knew in my heart that was going to be wrong...finally he pushed me to my limit and I wasn't going to take anything from him, and not going to let him or his mother dictate to me my choice when it came to my baby girl. I was due in February of 2002, January 21, 2002 I flew to Salt Lake City, UT to have my baby girl. There I stayed with a host family who were absolutely wonderful and I feel so blessed that I lived with them. I did not know if my parents were going to be able to be with me, I went thinking I was going to have to go through this alone. I was frightened. But after I got there things started falling into place. I got the couple I wasn't sure I was going to get because another birthmother was looking at them. I met them and wow! There are no words to describe it! After 30 seconds it felt as though I had known them for my whole life. I was sad when we had to leave. I could have talked to them for ever. My parents were able to come also because the doctor agreed to induce me on a certain day, and met the couple while I was in labor. It was wonderful. They let me name her first name I felt honored. After she was born there was such a peaceful feeling in the room, warm and comforting, I knew I was doing the right thing for my baby! The day came that I had to say goodbye to my sweet baby girl, and it was so hard! But I swallowed my sadness for them, forced a smile and focused on their happiness. I kissed her on her cheek and whispered, "see you in 18 years! I love you!" And as soon as they left I couldn't stop the tears from flowing...uncontrollably and my heart felt as though there was big hole right in the center of it. The birthfather contested the adoption, and for 18 long months I didn't know what was going to happen, I just had to stay true to what I knew what was the right thing, and I knew he would not win. He did not win...the judge took his rights away and kicked him out of the courtroom! What a wonderful day!!!!
Throughout the years I still wondered about my own birthmother, especially after becoming a birthmother myself. I was lucky and got letters and pictures of my baby girl and knew how she was doing, how her doctors appointments are...and my birthmother knew nothing. I asked the adoption agency that did my adoption a few times if they could give me information and the answer was always the same...no. I was frustrated, but couldn't do anything about it. I didn't know how to search on my own, and didn't have the money. I always had the love and support from my parents to find her...the problem was no one would give me any information! In the summer of 2009 I made a desperate choice and wrote into the show "The Locator" and asked them to look for me. Several months went by and I heard nothing. So I thought they bypassed my e-mail until I got a call asking me if I was still interested in looking for her. I did some research to make sure it was legit and after I had a good feeling I went ahead and said yes. Getting my birth certificate was the easy part. But the agency would not give me anything to work with, so after a year I finally had to get forceful and got them to give me something. I finally got my birthmothers place of birth. I gave it to the search lady that was on a Thursday, she said she wasn't going to make any promises because Arizona's laws aren't as open as California's. On Saturday morning I got a call from her saying that she thought she found her. I was in shock! I couldn't believe that after 32 years of searching I was finally going to know who she was! She told me her name and told me she was on facebook and to look her up...I asked her if she would be the one to contact her incase she didn't want to hear from me. 2 hours later I got a friend request from her. And get this...SHE LIVED IN MESA, ARIZONA!!! 20 MINUTES AWAY FROM ME! I moved here to Arizona in the summer of 2002 she had been here the whole time! We e-mailed back and forth for about a month, and then decided to meet. We met on September 17, 2010 at the Mesa, temple. It was such a wonderful day! I found out that she did hold me when I was born and kissed me...whispered in my ear she loved me. I was loved and I was wanted. I wasn't the "families dirty little secret" as I have often thought I was. I have 2 younger sisters who I have loved getting to know! We text and talk and go out to eat as often as we can! I have been accepted with open arms! It is crazy to know that a lot of my birth family lives right around me. I cannot get over that.
Throughout all of this my parents have been so supportive and amazing! I am the single mother of 2 kids who have also loved this whole process too. My half sisters love the kids and are so excited to be aunts!

4 comments:

  1. Wow!! Thank you so much for telling your story. I was adopted in 1979 and have had many of the same questions about my birthmom that you had. The adoptions agency is very strict too and I can't get any answers.
    I am so glad you were able to find your and reconnect!

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  2. I am touched. Thank you for sharing with us.

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  3. That is such an amazing story. You must feel so blessed to have your birth family so close. I placed my son for adoption 11 and a half years ago, but I can't imagine all that you have been through. I have 2 nieces that are adopted and after picking my brother/sister-in-law flew to Utah to have the baby. She was also having some problems with the birth father. Everyone involved was so thankful for the Utah laws. I'm glad that was available to you as well. My sons birth father and his family created problems but I was lucky that he signed. They all resent me to this day for placing him for adoption. I will never regret it though! I got tears in my eyes reading your story. Thank you for sharing big tough girl.

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