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Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful Doesn't Begin to Cover It.

In honor of this Thanksgiving week and in good old fashion tradition of going around the table and saying "What are you thankful for" I wanted to dedicate this post to Thanksgiving.  This is one of my favorite times of the year...everything is crazy but in my own home, in my own little world everything gets quiet...and it is such an amazing time to reflect.

I have been spending a few days thinking about what I am grateful for, why I am grateful for that and how I show that I am grateful for that.  It is easy to sit and make a list of all the things that you are thankful for in your life but when you really have to think about why and how you show your thanks makes the list maybe a little smaller, or at least it has a little more thought put into it!  It is so much more than a list...it becomes a lifestyle!

I want to share several things that I am TRULY thankful for, WHY I am so thankful for them and HOW I show my gratitude for these things...{This is a LONG post but read through it...it is awesome I promise!  hee hee}

{these are in no particular order}

1.  My partner, husband, best friend and more!  I am constantly amazed that I get to wake up every single day to this one person.  There are many reasons for that and it may seem silly to you but if you have been where I have been then you will understand the complete joy and peace that comes over you when you are comforted like you have never been before.  John is my third husband.  Every time I say that it makes me cringe a little, it is embarassing and makes me very sad in some ways to think about....and in some ways I wish I could say that he was the one that I have been married to for 15 years!...but I know that he is the ONE that I will be married to for the next 15 and many, many more.  I learned alot from my other relationships.  I also realized now that there were many things that I was not aware of, not aware of the damage that I was causing to those I was getting involved with.  I was very co-dependant and would spend a lot of time trying to please EVERYONE no matter the cost...I am so amazed that through two years of serious soul searching and healing with myself that I understand what it means to me to be committed to one person, to want to be with that person every day, to be married to my BEST friend.  It literally brings me to tears when I think about how he saved me...I was so broken and he never left me...he helped me to heal...on my terms...even if he didn't understand...even if he was scared and confused and felt helpless...he stood by me.  I wrote a post not very long ago about THE POWER OF TWO.  I truly have a great faith in that statement.  I know that my life would NOT be what it is today if I didn't have John by my side!  I love him dearly and I know with a great testimony in my heart that he saved me, brought me back to life and LOVES me undconditionally!  I am truly thankful for him. 

2,   I am thankful for Sobriety and a Clear Head!   I am not only thankful for the sobriety on a chemical level but also the sobriety on a drama level, on a relationship level, on a spiritual level.  There is nothing more powerful than being able to rid yourself of all the toxic things in your life that can be just as dangerous as a chemical...and I have had my share of those as well.  I wrote a blog a while back titled WALKING IN DARKNESS sharing a heartbreaking story about my drinking and the darkness that I was in. It was not just the drinking that was clouding my thoughts and keeping me unfocused and "drunk".  It took many years to sober up...it took unconditional love from my family to pull me out of the darknes...it took losing my mind completely to realize that I NEEDED my mind, that I wanted to be here and present and have a clear head!...it took losing everything to realize that I wanted EVERYTHING!  I had the opportunity to take a Soul Restoration Class put on by the amazing women of BRAVE GIRLS CLUB and it helped to change my life.  This course helped me to realize my issues with being co-dependant and trying to please everyone...even if it meant drinking and drinking and more drinking because I literally could not say no and walk away!  This Soul work helped me set boundaries, to get sober and clean out the TRASH!  I was able to cleanse my life of so many toxic things that were killing me, allowing me to see clearly and focus on the things that were the most important to me!...I could see my family, my daughter, my husband, my organization, my blessings, my future, my potential, my strength...I could see everything...It was like getting glasses!  My sobriety was like getting glasses!....I thought I could see clearly...I thought I was doing what people wanted me to, I thought that was what I was supposed to do...I thought that my life was going to be fine and that the things that I was doing was not THAT BIG of a deal...and then I got glasses!  I got sober, I cleared out ALL the toxins in my life and I could not believe HOW CLEAR EVERYTHING WAS!  I thought that I could see before and I didn't know...until the glasses came on how blind I had truly been!  I am so thankful for that sobriety and for my clear head. 

3.  Adoption.  It amazes me that I am so thankful for something that during the process caused such a great deal of pain and suffering.  Adoption has changed my life-taken my life on a path that I was never expecting.  After I was able to step back and see the big picture, when the "switch" happenend and I realized the life that I wanted to start living, adoption became a huge part of my life.  I realized how it effected me and I knew that my story crawling out of the darkness was worth telling.  I didn't know where it would lead me but I was motivated to reach out in some way...and now Blessings in a Basket is no longer a thought in my head and is NOT seperate from my personal life...it is all wrapped up together.  It is a part of who I am and I am so thankful for adoption, for the amazing experience and for Derek and his amazing family!!!...I am so thankful for my open adoption and for the chance that I have to see him so HAPPY and adjusted...it is a great confirmation to me.  I am so thankful for the Big Tough Girls that cross my path every single day.  I have an amazing opportunity to learn and hear some amazing stories and I am so proud of the woment that I associate with.  Thank you for helping my dreams come true.

4.  I am so thankful that I can turn on my computer, log in to this blog and talk about difficult topics, write about my feelings and my emotions.  That I can express myself proudly without fear of retribution regardless of what people think.  I am grateful for my Freedom of Speech.  Adoption is sort of a "taboo" subject any way and not always the easiest to talk about...the term Birth Mother is like wearing a scarlet letter...but still, I live in a country where I can talk about it, where we as a community of birthmoms can gather together and talk about what has happened to our life.  We can have open communication with the families that adopted our children and we can share our experiences with others....what a great and incredible blessing!  I can log onto facebook and see what you look like, hear what you have to say, share stories and pictures..I don't we realize how lucky we are to be able to speak freely and openly about our lives, challenges, struggles, happiness and more!  I am so thankful for my Freedom of Speech for without it I may wither and die with so many thoughts in my head! 

5.  This year has been an incredible year of changes for me.  Not just with my family and hubby and location and temporal things but CHANGES for MYSELF.  I have spent this year working on myself...deciding on the LIFE THAT I WANT TO LIVE and I have been so blessed.  I am so thankful for change..it is always happening and I am so blessed that I don't have to be "stuck" in the same place that I was several years ago.  My soul has changed, my heart has changed, the big picture has changed and will change many times but I am so thankful to be grounded where I am and to know in my heart where it is that I am going...and I haven't felt that for a long time.  I am thankful for the consistency, knowing that things will change but that I am in a place that I can accept it and handle it. 

I love you all so very dearly and it is my greatest prayer this holiday season that you truly remember the things that are most important to you...that you never stop being grateful for ALL things in your life.  I am truly blessed....even in time of great adversity...I am truly blessed and I am truly thankful! 

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours from all of us at Blessings in a Basket!

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