I asked if I could share her story and she let me have it!...all 500 parts! hahaha! Just kidding...it is not that long but totally worth the read! Thank you Kelsey for your strength and for your amazing and giving heart! She also gave BIB a great shout-out on her blog and we REALLY appreciate it...her Big Tough Girl shirt is on the way for her to rock around town with pride! WE LOVE YOU! All birth moms...be sure to find Kelsey and give her a big hug!!
Here is her story! {this is the intro..the other parts are linked at the end of the post.}
My Story: Intro and the Characters
I’ve never really ‘blogged’ before (you know besides reblogging a bunch of pictures of my favorite tv shows) but I’ve always had a passion for writing and after some recent events in my life, it motivated me to pick up my pen again metaphorically speaking. My name is Kelsey, I’m twenty years old and I chose to give my son up for adoption. It was the hardest decision of my life and I’m struggling day to day to cope with it. I thought about waiting a few months before starting to write this, but after sitting alone day after day in my boyfriend’s apartment while he’s at school, I needed something to do with myself and put use to all the thoughts in my head. Maybe someone else who going through the same thing will find this helpful and have an idea what to expect when going through an adoption because I sure as hell don’t. Before I really get into the nitty gritty, I will say that the names of my son, and his adopted parents are going to be changed just because they don’t know I’m writing this and I’m not comfortable giving out their information like that. I contemplated changing my own name, my boyfriends and various family members who will no doubt appear while I’m writing this, but I decided against it. I haven’t told anyone besides immediate family and my best friend about my son but I’m not ashamed so everything will be kept the same. And I figured it would be easier to give a quick rundown of who I am, and who everyone is before I really get into it. Trust me, it’s easier that way. There’s a lot of people involved and a reference sheet will help anyone (if anyone decides to read this) who comes across my little blog.
Kelsey- Me, obviously. I’m a twenty year old, living in Pennsylvania. I’m the youngest out of four older sisters, and an aunt to eight nieces and nephews total. I’ve been struggling with what I want to do with my life since dropping out of beauty school this past winter. I like to think I’m a pretty funny human being who’s too introverted for my own good. The main reason I started this blog is because I have serious communication issues (among other things) and I think getting it all out, even in the form of writing will allow me to be more open with the people who matter.
Zachary- My boyfriend, and baby’s daddy if you will. He’s nineteen and in his last year of school. We’ve been together for almost four years but we’ve known and been best friends since we were about twelve. Even though he’s probably one of the most infuriating human beings I’ve ever encountered in my life, Zakk has stuck by me when no one else has. I may not always paint him in a good light, but he’s honestly one of the most amazing, and caring people I’ve ever met. We’ve been through a lot and we certainly haven’t had the easiest road (he has the worst bad luck ever so I don’t think it will ever really be easy) but ultimately we love each other and this experience has definitely brought us even closer.
Matthew- A beautiful baby boy born on October 13th, 2011. Through a lot of weird circumstances and a little bit of denial on my part, we didn’t even know how far along I was until we went to the hospital and I went into labor that night. Yeah, I was almost an episode of I didn’t know I was pregnant. We chose not to see Matthew until he left with his adopted parents but from the little bit of time we spent with him and the pictures we’ve already gotten, he’s going to be one handsome little dude. And even though we didn’t get the chance to really bond with him, we love him so much.
David and Rachel- Matthew’s adopted parents. Since we didn’t really know about the baby, we didn’t get the chance to really get to know David and Rachel on a deep level. We had one day to go through a huge book of potential parents, and we thought we had found the couple we wanted when we flipped to the back of the binder and we saw their book. We didn’t even fully read it and we narrowed it down to the final two couples, and they were one of them. After reading through their book, me and Zach were really reminded of ourselves with their goofy pictures and love of pugs. They were essentially where me and Zach wanted to be when we were in our thirties. We met them for the first time the day me and Matthew were discharged. Even though they didn’t have too, they brought us gifts and we felt really comfortable like we had known them the whole time. Not to mention, they are totally the cutest couple ever. We’ve only exchanged one letter so far, but I can tell we are going to have a really great relationship with them.
Sandra- Aka my mom. We’ve always been pretty close, and even though we didn’t have the “I tell you everything” kind of relationship, we have always had a good relationship. She hasn’t really had much time to adjust to the idea of adoption, and considering all my other sisters kept their children when they had them young, she still hasn’t come to terms with my decision. Since leaving the hospital, I’ve been staying with Zakk and because of some fights during the stay at the hospital, she hasn’t exactly been on board, or really even want me around for the matter.
Sue- Zakk’s mom. She was the first person to arrive at the hospital, and the first person who we told about the baby. She’s been a really great support system and one that I wasn’t really expecting. She stayed with us while we were at the hospital, and she was really great about calming me down after talking to my mom.
Jess- My oldest sister. We aren’t really close since she’s been in and out of my life for as long as I can remember. She’s a drug addict and in one of her phases of being clean for the moment. Because of her drug abuse, I find it really hard to respect her since she has three sons and doesn’t take care of any of them. She is constantly leaving without telling anyone for months at a time and then randomly pops back into our lives. Her oldest sons live with my mother, and they are sixteen and fifteen. Her youngest boy was adopted by my other sister. I love her because she is my sister, but other then that, I don’t really have any feelings towards her.
Andie- My second oldest sister, and the one who I’m the closest with. She’s super invasive, and nosy. Even though it drives me crazy, and we fight because of that, she really is my favorite sister. I know she doesn’t agree with my decision to give Matthew up for adoption but she at least supports me and is constantly checking in with me to make sure I’m okay. She adopted Jess’s youngest son after she ran off, and I really thought because of that she would be more understanding of our reasoning for adoption, and it has certainly helped, I know she wants me to go back on the adoption and take Matthew back. She has three other daughters along with adopting my other nephew.
Sam- My sister who I’m closest to in age. She’s a bit mentally unstable, if I say so myself. We aren’t the closest, and I don’t think we ever will be. She hasn’t really said much in regards to the adoption which I’m thankful for, but like everyone else in my family, she doesn’t think I should have gone through with it. We don’t talk much, mostly because I hate her husband and she only tries to talk to me when she wants something.
Steve- Zakk’s dad. And as it would be, his family is a lot more supportive then my own. Even though he was the last to know, he has been really great with helping us out. He filled all my prescriptions for me since I don’t have health insurance and is always offering to buy me and Zakk groceries since we both aren’t working at the moment.
Bonnie- Zakk’s step mom. She’s been really cool about the adoption too, even though she’s kind of a bitch otherwise. But none the less, she’s helped out a lot and I’m really thankful for that.
Like I said, lots of people. And this is all I can think of off the top of my head. But I think that’s everyone immediately involved. I’m not sure how often I’ll be updating this blog, probably every other day or so. Maybe more since this just happened and I still have a lot of feelings regarding it. Not to mention, I’m still six weeks postpartum and since I can’t work, drive, or do anything (I had a c-section and they don’t even want to to exercise until the six weeks is over. boo) I have a lot of free time hanging around Zakk’s apartment which means I have a lot of time to write. I hope that writing and blogging about my experience will not only help me to cope but maybe help someone else going through the same thing. I’d love to be able to talk to other birth moms, birth dads, or anyone who is considering adoption. Hell, even if your not considering adoption and just need someone to talk to, I’m here for anyone who needs it.
Next blog post will actually go into detail about how me and Zakk found out about the pregnancy (which is certainly an amusing story, I’ll tell you that much) and just the beginning of our story.
Next-Humble Beginnings
Next- My Story: Part Two
Read on my friends...it is a great story and very well written! Thank you again Kelsey for being so willing to share with all of us! It doesn't matter how many years go by...I am ALWAYS brought to tears when I read a new birth mom story...we truly are Big Tough Girls!
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