Find your Mission!

Big Tough Girls,
I want to share some very personal things that I have been working on these past few weeks. I have been doing some major soul work...again...it is an ongoing process, something that I will be doing and working on my entire life...but I have been creating things to help me get back to how I feel right now....motivated, at peace, excited and READY!.....Ready to what??? Ready to LIVE THE LIFE THAT I WANT! I know that some of you think that phrase may sound cheesy but this is powerful, powerful stuff!!! I promise you, if you will really read this...think about what is being presented and apply it to your own life....It WILL change you!!!!
So many of you know my story, my past story...adoption, divorce, cancer, depression and the list goes on....MANY of you don't know about my present and future! Well, I am going to share some of that with you today. It is very persoal but I think it is so important to share and I pray that it will help you move forward....this IS not about our past and what we have been through...it is about the future that is just waiting for us...that is OURS if we want it...
The hardest thing about this soul work is deciding what life YOU want for yourself...NOT the life that you think people want you to have...or the life that you "should" have because of your cirrcumstances...when you are ALL ALONE...crying, making dreams, promises to yourself....WHAT LIFE IS IT THAT YOU SEE???? It could be the most simple life...wife, kids, modest home and that IS ENOUGH....it could be to take over the world!! It does NOT matter what life you really want, as long as it is YOUR life and it is authentic to you and fits with what is truly in your heart! It is your life and I promise you, you will never find true peace if you are trying to live something, or someone else's life....it is a long time to not be at peace!!
I have a nice life...there are many things in my life that are wonderful and I am so grateful for them. This was not about me getting something bigger and better. It was about finding something that was truly authentic to me...living the life that I want...not what others wanted for me or what others expected me to live.....I had to do a ton of searching and had to be truly honest with myself....what was it that I really wanted for myself...with the help of SR2 from BraveGirls I was able to get it out on paper and create a mission statement for my life that I want to share with you....don't laugh or judge...this is very personal...and has been one of the most life changing processes I have ever been through! I want everything in my life to reflect these things listed!

Ashley's Mission Statement:
I will remember, in all things that I do, that I want to guide my life and decisions with these qualities that I value most: faith in my divinely inspired plan, unconditional love, and the simplicity of my heart.

I know that I am my very best self when: I am surrounded by my family and true friends that know everything about me and love and support me in spite of all those things, when I am not worrying or comparing or caring what others think about me, when I am regularly expressing my faith by prayer, scripture study and by giving thanks for all that I am blessed with and journaling those prayers and blessings, when I am spending time with my husband and daughter who depend on my energy and smile, when I am listening to the simplicity of my heart.

I know that because I have unique weaknesses, I need to avoid times when I am: forced to compare my circumstances with others including society standards. When I am around individuals who don’t allow me to express myself, when I am giving in to my inner critic and allowing the lies of my insecurities get the best of me, when I am feeling that myself and my family are being attacked.

I will be most at peace and happiest when I spend my personal life: listening to the simplicity of my heart, keeping that “small town” perspective, communicating with my Father in Heaven-praying to him and giving continuous thanks, spending time with my husband, daughter and family.

I will be most at peace and happiest when I spend my work life: serving others, being a voice for our Big Tough Girls, sharing my experiences-teaching people that they can come back from anything-just as I have. Put the people that I serve first when it is appropriate , making sure that I give my work the appropriate amount of time so that I can feel productive, finding balance and not letting my work life control my personal life..even if it is personal.

I will seek out times when I can use my inborn gifts to: serve and inspire others, to show the possibilities of forgiveness, to bring laughter to those I come in contact with, to bring out my creative soul, to teach through my example.

I will take care of my body and soul in ways that are personal to me, including: keeping myself physically active, by never again putting harmful substance into my body that affects me physically or clouds my mental judgement, I will seek out healthy ways to feed myself and my family, I will feed my soul spiritually every day, I will stay physically, emotionally and spiritually connected to my husband, I will protect my soul from harmful music and media propaganda, I will continue to educate myself through all the years of my life.
I know that I am meant to: be loved by an amazing family chosen for me, to bring joy and laughter to those around me, to lead by example and show the possibilities of forgiveness, to be a mother, to follow the simplicity of my heart.

I will work hard to be known as someone who: loves unconditionally and is loved unconditionally in return, has unfailing faith, it a Big Tough Girl in the face of great adversity, who overcame great challenges and became a better self on the other side, that loves my Father in Heaven with all my soul, serves others humbly, brings great laughter to those who know me and has a generous, caring and open heart…that I remain an optimist even after everything that life has thrown at me.

I have been working on creating my LIFE BOOK and my Mission Statement is the first thing in the book...followed by this page:

This is a HUGE step and an ever bigger commitment! But I am ready.
I wanted to share a few things that have happened to lead up to the desire to make some changes along with some serious goals that I had to make and sacrifices that go along with that to have the life that I want to live!!!...a life that I can be proud of!!!!
In March of 2011 my husband and I moved from a one bedroom apartment to a two bedroom. Our daughter Ty had turned ONE about a month before and had been sleeping in our walk-in closet. It was tight quarters and we decided that we needed to upgrade...not really sure if we could afford the rent, we made the move anyway. We love our apartment and feel like we have plenty of space for the three of us. I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer in March of 2009. My husband and I have been back and forth for several years trying to decide on kids...and then Ty was born and it was a question of whether we should get the surgery...treatments etc or try for one more. We were heartbroken at either option...we knew that both came with extreme challenges, disappointments and concerns. We didn't know what to do....I have had several surgeries during this time to try and buy me some time to decide. The doctors were using terms like "limp you through another pregnancy"and we were very nervous and didn't know what to do...After many months, prayers and tears we had decided that Ty was going to be our only child. We had found some peace and were ready to move forward. We were scheduling my hysterectomy for the end of the summer.
3 weeks ago my husband and I were knocked to the ground with a huge, life changing discovery....we found out that we were pregnant!!!
WHAT??!!!! We have just spent months gaining acceptance of our situation and had found some peace...and NOW....my whole life is turned upside down....changes are totally out of my hands and I am scared to death!!! Apparently my Father in Heaven had a very different plan for my husband and I....
So I started to really look at my life, the twists and turns that have happened over the years and had about a two week break down! I was so angry and scared and disappointed and frustrated and horrible to myself, my daughter and my husband. I knew that I could NOT do this. I had already decided...this was not fair!! I even thought about all the adoptive families that I love who can't have children and I couldn't believe that I was angry about this but I couldn't help it...it wasn't the PLAN!!! So...after spending two weeks in bed, crying my eyes out all day and all night, not speaking to my husband and barely taking care of my daughter I realized that there were some things in my life that were not what I WANTED...they were things that I thought I wanted...or that other people wanted me to have or thought was best for me...
That is when the soul searching began!
I was forced to accept our REAL situationand realize the changes that needed to be made in order to accomplish so many of the things that were in my mission statement. I am so blessed to have a husband that supports me and loves me and allows my true heart and soul to be expressed...and that he is willing to jump on board and help make my dreams come true!
Part of this process was to make some goals...but with that comes great sacrifice!!!! As you are looking at your life and trying to decide what you REALLY want for your life you discover that there are things that you have been feeling your time with, good or bad, that will have to be eliminated! Making those decisions can be harder than any other part of this process.....you really have to be honest and ask yourself...WHAT AM I WILLING TO GIVE UP TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT I WANT!!!????
You would think that you would do anything for that...but as you start making the list it is harder than you think!
One of the biggest goals that I decided was really my goal and not someone else's and the goal that needed to be top priority to me was to get out of debt. For many many years I have spent it struggling financially...comparing myself to others and society...thinking that I should be doing more, being better...so I continued to live in places that I couldn't afford, and bought things that I didn't really want and over the years things piled and got behind and got harder and harder...Soon I couldn't get approved for things and I couldn't buy something I needed without help or my husband and I couldn't move forward and start planning for our furture the way we wanted to. We don't have a lot of debt but we have enough that it is keeping us in the past...being reminded all the time of the mistakes that we made and the block of our progression. We want a more simple life, small things...but in order to get rid of that stress and frustration we need to make some sacrifices to get out of debt. Because John pays SO MUCH MONEY to child support every week our struggle is even harder because we are trying to support two families....and now with a new baby on the way, the stress is really building! I am tired of being a slave to past debt and having it keep me from getting my future that I want for me and my family.


This is my first Goal page in my LIFE BOOK on getting out of debt. It is very bright and intense but it speaks to me of the importance of this goal...what it will bring to us when it is accomplished and what I have to sacrifice to get there!
One word keeps coming to my mind over and over as I do these steps and take a look at my life and that is SACRIFICE! I have always had a hard time giving up things to accomplish those that I really want. I always have motivation and great ideas and great plans layed out but when it comes right down to making the sacrifice to take those next steps toward a goal or an idea.....I give up...I don't even get started. I don't want to live like that ...there are things WORTH fighting for...worth sacrificing for....and so we are making those changes in my home starting TODAY! I am giving myself permission to go out and live the life that I want, I am giving myself permission to start over if I mess up without guilt or judgement and I am giving myself permission to have anything and everything that my heart truly desires and that is authentic to me as long as it goes along with the MISSION STATEMENT that I have set for my life!

My dear Big Tough Girls...You can have the life that you want to live...You can FIND the life that is authentic to you and is what your heart and soul truly desire...you can break away from the Society pressures, and peer pressures...you don't have to live a life that is perfectly fine that other people set up for you or believe you should live....don't let your cirrcumstances determine the life that you want...you can have as simple or as extravagant a life as you want!!!!! You just have to decide what it is that you want and make a mission statement that reflects it...determine how you are going to get it...make the sacrifice and commitment and don't look back!!!!!!

I started small, I picked a goal that we could work on everyday...and I started...that is the first step!

Good luck..I love you all so much and pray that you start living the LIFE THAT YOU WANT!