Any Day Now...

It could be any day now....any day our new little baby boy will be joining our family.  My husband and I are so excited to be bringing another miracle to our home.  We are so excited for our daughter to have a baby brother.  Any day now.....and I am sitting  here racked with guilt and sorrow and heartache for all of the amazing mothers out there....waiting, saying to themselves..."any day now"...

This is my third pregnancy, my third delivery, my third baby.  When I was 26 I became pregnant and had the chance to become a birth mother.  I was able to deliver a healthy baby boy and place him in the arms of an amazing woman that was no longer able to have children.  I was a mother without a child.  But I was able to give that amazing gift of life to another mother.....

When my husband and I found that we were expecting our first baby I was overwhelmed by the reality of it all.  It was finally MY turn to become a mother...to have a child of my own...to bring home from the hospital and raise and nurture.  It was such an exciting time for me.  I was thrilled that it was finally my chance.  I was so blessed to be able to be in a position to care for this one....it was so different, having a child after placement...after going what I had been through, after seeing the joy I brought to another family...I am going to be a full time mother. 

Now, here we are about 23 months later expecting baby #2, a boy....A BOY...I placed a boy for adoption almost 6 years ago now.  I am having my second chance with a boy.  This is going to be our last baby.  We are making the decision not to have any other children.  I have had so many medical issues and concerns that we decided it would be best for me and everyone else involved that we don't have any more children.  I have been very sick, I have been very miserable....I have HATED everything about this pregnancy...I have hated buying things and getting things ready and making Ty adjust to other things, to move on from other things...I have hated my body, I have been mad at my husband and angry with my daughter........

And then I realized how many women, AMAZING women who are already mothers....mothers by natural instict that don't have a baby...that are saying..."ANY DAY NOW".  Women that would KILL to be in my position.

I have found myself wishing that I could have enough babies for all the adoptive mothers out there!  I wish that I could find babies for them....there is nothing that upsets me more than a woman who neglects her GOD given ability to have a child, to be a mother...that take the easy way, that make the wrong decisions, that don't understand what it truly means to be a MOTHER!  Every woman on this planet is a mother...it is a beautiful natural instict given to us....

There are so many women that are longing to be a mother before they ever get the chance to get their baby.  I have felt so sad and guilty about being so bitter and angry about this pregnancy...my last pregnancy...I have had the amazing opportunity to be a birth mother and a mother twice over. 

I want all the adoptive mothers to know that I am sorry, I am sorry that I have complained about my backache and the financial stress of a new baby.....I am sorry that I don't want any more children...I am sorry that I have been wishing.."Any Day Now".....

I know that you are saying "any day now" to yourself, your family, your friends, in your prayers....It is my prayer that someday, somewhere you will finally get to be the mother that you already are...that you will finally have the baby to raise and nurture...that you will not have to wish "any day now" any more. 



I am thrilled that ANY DAY NOW I will be the mother to a baby boy....I can't believe that I get the opportunity to raise a son.  I think about Derek all the time and know that his family loves him and cares for him.  I know that no son will ever take his place but I am so excited to get the chance to raise a son in my home....for my husband to father a son and be a role model to him...I am thrilled for my daughter Ty to have a baby brother to love and care for....to mother! 

To all the mothers out there...with children or without...we all have opportunities to be a mother...not all of us are given the chance to give birth or to raise a child but there are always ways that we can reach out and be a mother....I pray that we all find a way to be a mother that brings us the greatest joy.....

Any day now!.....