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Monday, August 22, 2011

Don't Blame the Scorpion

I have been thinking about so many things that I wanted to share with you all. I have been thinking alot about the nature of people, who we are and who we aren't. As birthmoms I think we get in a habit of trying to change people, make people see, beg for understanding and then we blame others for their lack of...what we struggle with learning is ACCEPTANCE. That is such a huge word with so much meaning. We need to learn acceptance of our situations, acceptance of others and their lifestyles and opinions, acceptance of the THINGS we can NOT CHANGE! That is not easy for us...that is not easy for most of us. I have been thinking alot about the people that came in my path during my time of adoption, placement and recovery. I was thinking about {Idaho} the birthfather and all the time of anger and disappointment I waisted when really it was me, trying to change the SCORPION. I spent years wishing, wanting, and even trying to force the change of nature in someone! I wanted so badly for him to be someone different and I spent years with so much anger because he would not be what I wanted him to be or what I thought he should be!...I wanted to share my favorite fable with you...

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

I think this story is SO powerful with so much meaning as it releates to our life and what we are trying to accomplish. So many times I have blamed the Scorpion, upset and shocked that it did the things that it did...when really I was trying to turn the Scorpion into something that it wasn't. I needed to be the one to take the step back, walk away from what was stinging me, killing me.

We can't control others...I think this is so key to the healing process for a birthmom...coming back to ACCEPTANCE...knowing that others have the RIGHT and AGENCY to act however they are going to act...to go along with their nature....we can only control ourselves...and trusting in a Scorpion (in whatever form it chooses to take on) is setting ourselves up to get stung! Can we blame the Scorpion for the sting or ourselves for making the choice to trust a creature that by nature is designed to kill?

Be careful dear frog......if you trust the Scorpion you will get stung...it is it's nature...but be sure that the blame is falling on the right person.

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