Baskets...Baskets and MORE baskets!!

We have been so overwhelmed by the amazing response that we have been having.  We are so excited about all the birthmoms that will be receiving our baskets over the next month or so!!  We have been in touch with some AMAZING adoptive families that are wanting to show love and support to their birthmom.  We are glad to be there to help! 

To the birthmoms-please know that we are here to offer love and support for WHATEVER you need!  We hope that you will join our community, come to our amazing soul retreats and make changes for your life forever! 

We love what we do and feel so blessed every single day!!  Thank you for making it all possible...more to come so stay tuned!

If you know of someone in need of a basket contact us at:  baskets@blessingsinabasket.org

BIB Staff helping out!

My Tweedle LOVES all the basket goodies!



{Fake Baby} Don't mess with our Adoptive Families!

* I am putting my famous Ashley Mitchell disclaimer right here at the beginning of this post! I am sure that this post will upset many people and IT SHOULD! So here it is...if I offend you in any way I am sorry but this story MUST be shared! (permission has been granted to tell the story...the names of the adoptive family will be protected)

On Tuesday August 23, 2011 BIB received an email from a dear adoptive family and they were hoping to get a basket for their birth mom! Here is their message:

"Hello Ashley,
I have just recently found your blog and I love what you are doing! We have adopted 2 boys (4 years and 16 months). In June we were surprised to have our adoption agency call even though we were not officially on the wait list. It turned out there was a birth mother interested in placing with us. Anyway, long story short, she did pick our family and is going to be induced September 21st. She went into early labor a couple of weeks ago and is on bedrest now, so it could be before then! I would love to give her one of your baskets at the hospital. Is that something you can do? I read somewhere you prefered to send them after placement, but she vocalized to me how sad she was going to be to leave the hospital empty handed and I know this isn't much, but perhaps it will help.
Thank you,
xxxxxxx"

We responded that of course we would be MORE than happy to send a basket...asked for the usual information and then we went along with our business. I hadn't heard from xxxxx and was going to contact them again to see if they were still interested in a basket when.....

On Sunday August 28, 2011 I received another email and was just horrified at what it said:

"Thank you so much Ashley. It ended up that the whole thing was a scam. I appreciate you getting back with me.
Thanks,
xxxxxxx"

I immediately went to the link that she sent me and read their whole story of what they had just been through!!! I was physically ill at what this young lady had done to this family!! The birth mom, ADM from Bishopville, SC has put this amazing family through more than I can even imagine and I have a few things to say about that but first I want to share the story from the adoptive family:

FAKE BABY

"A fake baby. Fake 4 months of getting fake pictures like the one above, being told you were the family for this fake child. Four months of dreaming of this fake little girl. Four months of bending over backward to help a fake birth mom through the fake hard times that were totally viable things a real true birth mother would go through. Four months of her meticulously telling us about the things the baby was doing and doctor appointments and how much they think the baby weighed. Stories about what the doctor told her and what she told the doctor. Stories, fake people, lies, all meticulously put in place. Three visits by the social worker to the fake birth mom. We were all played. For what?

It all lead up to Thursday. Thursday she had a fake infection and was in the "hospital." She was so concerned for the health of the fake baby. I spent all this time reassuring her the baby was going to be okay. She tells us that the fake doctor told her that she was going to have to deliver the fake baby a month early. She is freaking out. She needs reassurance. I totally feel I need to go to her in the hospital. I ask xxxxxx to take the day off work and watch the kids so I can go help her through her fake hard times. She calls on Friday and says she is dilated to a 6. She is having the baby. We frantically pack. We get to the hospital. What? There is no one by the name at the hospital. Oh, she says she is under an alias and not in the computer. What room are you in? 402 she tells us. Nope, 608, "they moved me." They say there is no one in that room. "What building? Where are you?" She runs us around the hospital. She describes specific areas of where to be. For 2 hours we wait for her to tell us how to get to her. She said she had the baby. We totally think she is just out of it. She just had a baby, right? She is on pain killers. xxxx sees. xxxxx knows it is fake. I can't believe it. I keep holding on to the fact that I know this girl. I have talked to her at least twice a week. She has told me in detail so much about this baby that makes perfect sense. I have to hear it from the horse's mouth. I still keep holding on that the circumstance is that we just can't get to where she is. She keeps talking about the baby. Keeps saying she is just so concerned about the fake baby. She keeps distracting me on the phone, talking about the baby. She creates a fake sister. The fake sister is supposed to meet us outside. We drive around some more. Can't find the sister. I talk to the fake sister on the phone. Gosh she sounds a lot like fake birth mom, but they are sisters, so maybe they just sound the same. Oh, sister had to go back up to the room. Ok. Boys are in the car and have been for 4 hours. We need to eat. Leave the hospital. xxxxx suggests I talk to a nurse. Perfect idea. Call birth mom, takes her a while to get the fake nurse on the phone. The fake nurse totally sounds like fake sister. I ask if it is the fake sister. Fake sister says no. I ask her to give me the phone number to the nurse's station and I will call her back. She gives me a number. I call the number. It is an OB/GYN doctor's office. Uh, xxxxxx sees, but I think maybe the "nurse" accidentally gave me the number to the office she works at rather than the nurses' station. I keep having hope. Call social worker. Perhaps she overlooked a few things. Was the name of the birth mom on the ultrasound pictures? We didn't know. Do we have actual proof of pregnancy? Perhaps this is a scam. Fake birth mom talks to social worker, says she is scared we are backing out because we feel like she is lying to us. She wants us to adopt her baby so bad. Finally get on the phone with fake birth mom again. Give her an ultimatum. I need to talk to a nurse right now or her sister needs to come down to the lobby right now. Right now. "I can't reach the nurses button", she says. Oh, my mom is here. Perfect, please let me talk to her. Different voice this time. Totally different. I plead with her to help us. From what birth mom told us, she wasn't on board so perhaps she would not tell us where birth mom is. "Please meet us down in the lobby. "

"Where did she tell you she was at?" Mom asks.

"At the hospital with the baby," I say

Mom replies, "she is at home. What has she been telling you? What is going on?"

Me, "She said she went in to have the baby."

Mom, "No she is not having a baby."

Me, "is she even pregnant?"

Mom, "No. She is a very sick girl. She has serious mental problems. She made this all up."

Wow. Such detailed stories of a baby, such real stories of what the baby was doing and how it felt inside. Such detailed situations of what she was going through. Seriously, she had to research this like crazy. There has to be a book or something online she is getting this from. Amazing. People are amazing.

Despite this crazy situation and this crazy day, we are not in a deep dark hole. We are over adoption, but we know people are generally good. We wish we could go give all the people a hug that helped us yesterday. I had random hugs from strangers who saw what was happening. They cried with us, had concern and care for what we were going through. For this one sick person there was 10-15 amazing people who bent over backward to help us and show us compassion and love.

In the past year we have had three girls who have chosen us to be the family for their baby. Three times we have dreamed of a little girl who is coming into our family. Twice minds were either never really made up or minds were changed. It hurt. This one, we were totally played. Totally.

One of the things that is so frustrating with having gone through these three experiences (especially with them so close together) is that we've been embarrassed by having announced our family growing by one more with the most pure and naïve faith that it was going to occur. We've announced to employers, friends and family that we are going to or actually do take off time from work to have this addition come in to our home in mere hours, days or weeks just to find out that we were mere pawns by mal-intended and sick people. Upon finding out what others are doing we feel completely embarrassed that we didn't think to ask this or that and/or that we placed so much faith in those that we felt should have known better (such as the social worker). In short we can't help but feel that WE (due to our being ignorant and naïve) have caused you all to go through something that you didn't need. The boy who cried wolf is all that comes to mind when we think about how you must feel and your trust in us. We simply feel like we have time and again let mud be placed on our and your faces. That is hard for us to think because we love you all so much and respect and admire you. We apologize if that has been the case. It simply is such an emotional thing when someone tells you that they feel that you are the perfect family to raise their child. You feel such a responsibility to not do something to upset them for fear that your spouse and children are denied the blessing of the child coming in to your home. You simply do all you cannot to ask questions or give impressions to the birth parent that you don't trust them or that you're crazy. You fear being the reason that they're unwilling to place in your family. I think it makes you unwilling to ask the hard questions that need to be asked. Just imagine trying to live with that. You, your family and close friends all conjure up hopes and dreams for this huge blessing to come in to your lives and for the opportunity to rear, raise and love this child. You fear that YOU might be the reason that all that might be lost. The chance at that great blessing is lost due to you. YOUR actions ruined it for you and your family by simply pressing too hard or appearing untrusting or crazy. It is unnerving to even think about and creates an enormous amount of pressure. It is something you would live with your whole life. We love you all for your love, prayers and patience with us, and these situations. I can certainly say that we have tried our best to guard against it but simply have been out-foxed each time. We sincerely pray that you haven't lost trust in us. We ask that you not think about our family for adoption as we have been blessed with two tremendous little boys that we love. We are no longer willing to put them, you or ourselves through this again. We ask that you respect our decision and not ask about our future intentions with children. We are no longer going to waste time trying to build our family but rather invest in the family that we've been blessed to have. "

I have never in my life been so upset, frustrated, and heartbroken. First of all, what an AMAZING family with such great faith that was put through such a HORRIBLE ordeal. I want them to know that my heart goes out to them. NO ONE has more respect and love for an adoptive family than myself...and other TRUE birth moms who know and understand what adoption is really all about!!!!

To ADM in Bishopville, SC. I am glad for your sake that this is just a blog post and that we are not meeting in person! I understand that people have sickness and that mental illness can be very severe but AS A REAL birth mom who has been through so much pain, joy, change....I am UPSET and disappointed and ashamed for you! I have never heard of anything so horrific in my life and you are a disgrace to those of us that are proud to call themselves birth mothers! It is my prayer that you truly get the help that you need so that you can NEVER hurt another family like this again!!!! I pray that your family can be a support to you to help protect others.

To ALL birth mothers or POTENTIAL birth moms out there! Let me just say this....BIB is set up to help you and support you in any way that we can, but WE NEVER have nor will we EVER tolorate ANY disrespect to an adoptive family! They are our saving Grace! They are the reason that we are able to move on with our lives....THEY are cleaning up our mistakes...they are opening up their home, families ...TURNING their lives upside down for US and for our BABY!!!!....don't mess with a family like that...if you aren't sure if you want to place for adoption PLEASE do NOT get the hopes up of a family...you have no idea how much you are effecting these lives and it is NOT YOUR RIGHT! Don't change your mind, don't lead them on, don't make up fake babies....if you are not sure don't mess with people...make up your mind before getting people excited...before changing lives forever!!!

To all the adoptive families out there! I read every day about horrible experiences and heartbreaking times that you all go through. I know what you do to turn your lives upside down for us to prepare to bring a baby into your home! I pray that you know that not ALL birth moms are like that. Myself and so many others have blessed so many homes and have done our job to deliver the baby to a loving home and have moved on. I pray for all of you often and hope that you understand that we LOVE you and RESPECT you more than you know!!!!

Again, our thoughts and prayers go out to this amazing adoptive family....we love you so much and will help in any way that we can!!!!

Another Basket to an Adoptive Family

BIB is so excited when an adoptive family requests a basket...whether they have a birth mom or not it is such an honor to send one for them and their growing family!

Congrats to Brandon and Corrine for their new baby boy that joined their family through adoption. We were so pleased to send them a basket for their birthmom!

Thanks Corrine for posting about BIB!....more baskets going out the door this week so stay tuned! YAY!!!

"We Brought in her Blessings In a Basket Basket and it was Put together with Love by Ashley Mitchell and other wonderful women who cherish adoption. It was full of great stuff like, a journal, a sterling necklace with the month and year of Gavin's birth,

(i attached a birthstone crystal drop along side it), a gorgeous watch, note cards, a workout video, a hospital recovery essentials kit and more. I added a custom pillowcase i made for Jessica, some cookies and treats as well. "

We love our job!! xoxo-Ashley

Jake and Terri-Hoping to adopt!

I am happy to introduce another dear family that is hoping to bring a child into their home through adoption! They are a wonderful couple and would love nothing more than to become parents....and to have an open adoption.

Here is a little about why Jake and Terri want to adopt!:

When Jake and I got married, Jake was working 2nd shift and going to school. I was teaching. Since there aren't many 2nd shift teaching jobs, we only saw each other (awake) on the weekend. We knew we wanted children and thought that our schedules might make it take a bit longer to get pregnant. So we started trying soon after we go married.

When we didn't get pregnant right away, I was sad but not too worried. We hardly saw each other! After Jake graduated from school, we moved. We did get to see each other lots more after the move. After a while I did start to get a bit worried. I found a doctor and we tried some medication. Then I found a more specialized doctor (actually a whole team of doctors) and we tried more tests and medication. We weren't able to have the baby we desire.

Jake and I want to be parents. Through this whole process we have prayed not only for children but to know what to do next. We know that adoption will give us the opportunity to be parents. We love the idea of an open adoption where we know the birth parents and they know us. We plan to exchange cards, letters, emails, pictures and visits if that is what everyone wants. I imagine this is like adding more family to our family. Much like when Jake and I got married and added our families together.


I am excited to see how open adoption will work for us!

Thanks for reading!

Terri

Read more about Jake and Terri HERE

If you are a birthmother or know of one and are looking for a family...take some time to read over their blog!!

We wish Jake and Terri all the luck in the world that they find what their heart desires!

Aaron and Trine...Hoping to Adopt!

One great part of my job is working with the adoptive families...making the connection with them, sharing a birth mothers perspective, understanding their hopes and concerns...I have met and watched some incredible families go through this long, difficult, intense and scary process...every once in a while I get to help a friend.

I am so honored to introduce you to Aaron and Trine. I have been friends with Trine for over 10 years. We grew up together, went to church together, lived and learned together. She is someone that I hold very dear to my heart!

Aaron and Trine are incredible parents, have morals that could withstand the greatest challenges and temptations, have a deep love and committment for each other and their family, and are incredible friends ALWAYS!!! It is hard for me sometimes to watch families struggle and wish and hope for a baby to come into their home...it is heartbreaking...I LOVE Trine and her unbelievable faith. She has a son and she loves him...she is living life and moving forward..if it is right another child will join their family...if not she knows how blessed she is!

Trine, I love you so much and pray for you and your family always. You are an incredible person and I know you will have all that your heart desires!

If you are a birth mom or know of one looking for a family...take time to look at Aaron and Trine!

another blog

Prepare Now

I was so excited to receive the book "Prepare Now for the Temple" written by the incredible and sweet Brittany Mangus. She is so amazing and I was so thrilled when she sent me a copy to read. I am excited to share it with all of you. I know we cater alot to the LDS community but we are not limited and are excited to have birthmoms of all walks of life join us.....there are some incredible things in this book that apply TO ALL women that are trying to better their lives and situations!...it will give you great perspective, answer questions, clear up misconceptions and help you be prepared! I have read many books and taken many temple prep classes as I have prepared for my own journey with the temple over the years and I can tell you...this book SPOKE to me, not AT ME...it was clear and spoke on a level that I could understand and she didn't try and "hide" things from me...Brittany has a great love and passion for what she loves and believes in and you could feel that in her book-she was open and honest and really cares about all those that read her book.

Brittany's book is a very detailed outline of what you should prepare for, the do's and don'ts, and answers a lot of misconceptions that people have about the temple...like what you do when you are there, who is allowed to join you, what you can where etc. She also gives some great tips on preparing for your wedding and very simple check lists about what you need to do in preparation.

Thank you Brittany for sharing this book with Blessings in a Basket. It was an incredible help and a great comfort for me, even in the stage in my life that I am.

If you are interested in ordering a copy of Brittany's book you can order it from Amazon today!

ORDER HERE

It is worth it...how do you put a price on eternity!

It is a Small World!

It amazes me how small the world is! I never really knew it until I launched Blessings in a Basket. There have been so many random scenerios that came out of the woodwork and that continue to do so...I LOVE getting emails from people from all over the country...it is one of my very favorite parts of this job. I love reading and sharing our stories..I love the positive encouragement.

I received this email from an adoptive mother and may I say again-It is a SMALL WORLD! Thank you Melanie for sharing this beautiful piece of your story!

"Hello Ashley,

I served in the Mississippi Jackson Mission with Tyler (your brother). I call him Red because I always thought he had such a fierce personality. Anyway, my purpose in writing to you, is to tell you how impressed I am with your blog. I am an adoptive mother. My husband and I adopted our daughter in October 2005. Our adoption experience is beyond wonderful. From day one we decided to have an open adoption with our daughter's birthmother. It has been such a blessing in so many ways. Our daugher gets to see her birthmom whenever we get back to Utah, and speaks with her on the phone frequently. It has been so important for our daughter to have this connection. She knows who her birthmother is, and she never doubts where she came from or how she came to be in our family. This past week we celebrated her 5 1/2 year sealing aniversary. The day she was sealed to us, we had her birth-grandmother is our sealing circle. It was so special for us & later that day her birthfamily was able to meet all of our extended family. This day was a new beginning for us & a happy closure for them. Since that time, our love for each other has grown stronger.

I learned that the adoption process can not only be theraputic for birthmother's, but also for adoptive families. I struggled with infertility issues for 8 1/2 years, experienced two failed adoptions and some other health problems. The day that our birthmother placed her little girl with us my heart became full, and I promised then, that I would NEVER exclude her from our lives. She healed a piece of my broken heart, and I wanted to be a tool to help heal hers. Today we are very good friends, and I feel like we are almost sister's. We share a bond that will never be matched.

I'm thankful for you, and your courage to help birthmother's and adoptive families."

Spencer and Whitney are Hoping to Adopt!

I received an incredible email from the beautiful and talented Whitney Blake and I wanted to share part of it..

" have spent some time on your website and am so impressed with all that you do! I actually found your website through the post you wrote for LDS Adoption Connection. I love what you said about telling your story in hopes of helping one girl at a time. Sometimes, I think of all the things I am not and tell myself I'm not qualified to make a difference. You are such a beautiful reminder that we can help, that we can make a difference. Thank you so much for sharing your story!..."

It is moments like this that remind me of why we are doing what we are doing! Along with the beautiful email she informed me that they were hoping to adopt and asked if I would share their blog and story...OF COURSE I WILL!!!!

They are darling and have SO SO much personality...Just look at their comic strip!

Here is a little bit about Whitney and Spencer....you can read the rest of their story HERE!

"Whitney earned a degree in Marriage, Family, and Human Development, and began working full time while Spencer finished up his degree in Broadcast Journalism. A job offer brought them to Wichita Falls, Texas, where Spencer is an anchor/reporter at KAUZ-TV, the local CBS affiliate, and Whitney is a photographer/web designer. They share their home with a cute little puppy named Lizzy.

Although they have tried to have children for the majority of their marriage, so far, that dream hasn’t become a reality. After pursuing various medical options, they have decided that adoption is a blessing that can help them grow their family -- not as a last resort, but because they feel it is part of the Lord’s plan for them. They are hoping that one day soon, they will be able to find their baby...."

If you are a birthmom or know of one that is looking for a family take some time to consider Spencer and Whitney!

Good luck!!!

xoxo, Ashley

We Love Our Mothers!!

Today is a very special day...one of my very favorite days of the year because it gives me a chance to honor the women that I think are the most amazing!!.....THE MOTHERS! We have a very special post for you today..we have opened up our post to allow you to honor your mother figures in your own life...along with sharing ours!

Enjoy all the love that is here today for EACH of you and have a beautiful, wonderful Mother's Day!....celebrate....YOU ARE A MOTHER!

Happy Mother's Day from Heather Hatch

"My mother Terri Warner is an amazing woman, she has always been a great example to me and a great support in my decision for adoption. I know it wasn't any easy thing for her to watch her own daughter place her daughter and first grandchild for adoption, but she has always shown me so much love and support. She has been a single mother since I was 3 years old, 24 years she has raised 3 girls by herself and has always been a wonderful example of strength. I couldnt ask for a better mother than her."

Happy Mother's Day from Michelle DeLatour

"As we attend more and more family celebrations or activities for our nieces and nephews, I start to get a little sad. I wonder when it will be that we are able to attend events for our own child. I wonder if we will have orchestra recitals or t-ball games or graduations that we will be inviting other people to attend. I wonder if we will be able to have photo albums filled with pictures of a child or children that belong to us. And, as Mother’s Day approaches every year, my sadness seems to grow infinitely. I would have thought I would have been a mom by now.
This spring was especially difficult with the passing of my grandmother. When someone passes away, it makes you think about life. It makes you think about their life, your life, the past and the future.

But, it was during this very difficult time for our family that I realized how much of an influence my mother has had on my life. Unfortunately, my mom was on vacation while my grandmother passed away. So, my sisters and I took on my mom’s responsibilities in my grandmother’s last hours. I don't think we even thought about - we just did it. At the wake and funeral, everyone kept telling my mom how proud she should be of her 3 girls.

What ran through my mind during those couple of days was "what would mom do". That is actually what’s always been in the back of my mind for the majority of my life. When I was little, I used to tell her that I could hear her voice in the back of my head... especially when I was attempting to do something wrong.

My mom taught my sisters and me so many things - too many to list all of them. But here are a few of them... We learned to share. We learned to say our prayers at night. We learned to greet everyone who came to our house (there was no hiding up in our rooms). We learned to say please and thank you. We learned that family comes first. We learned to respect our elders. And we learned that things would not be handed to us in life – that we needed to work hard for what we wanted. She taught me to sew and to cook. And she taught us to have "Faith, Courage and Enthusiasm" when things got tough.

So, it was with great "Faith, Courage and Enthusiasm" that I have jumped into this world of adoption. Since I won’t be able to pass my brown eyes or my curly hair down to our child, it will be the things I learned from my mother that I will pass down and teach our child. I just hope that I will be half as good of a mom as my mom was to me.

Happy Mother’s Day to my mother and all the mothers, birth mothers, and hope-to-be-moms out there! "

Happy Mother's Day from Julie Christensen Choate

"My own WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL Mother has always been a HUGE support for me & my decision to give my Allie to a WONDERFUL, LOVING Family more deserving of her & more able to provide for her the life I could not...
This Tribute goes out to my momma, Jill Christensen, & her unconditional love thruout my trying life! And, to Allie's momma, Marsha Williams, who has -in her own special way- given Allie back to me with tht same unconditional love. I LOVE YOU! "

Happy Mother's Day from Ashley Mitchell

"I feel so lucky on Mother's Day because I get to celebrate it in more way than one..and I get to honor more than one mother on this amazing day! First, I want to tell myself Happy Mother's Day...I know that sounds crazy but I am a mother and a birthmother and I am very proud of that..and I deserve a little pampering today!

I also get to tell my own mother Happy Mother's Day! I can't say enough about my mother, Carol. She has been so amazing my whole life. She has stood by me, prayed for me, supported me and has had faith in me! I would not be here if it were not for her and her strength...she is my best friend and I love her so much!

I also get to tell the incredible and wonderful mother that adopted my dear son Happy Mother's Day! I can't even put into words how I feel about her...she is the woman that saved me and my son...she gave me life and a chance..she unselfishly took my son to raise as her own..she is one of the most amazing women that I know and I am honored to be forever connected to her! "

{look at my cutie on the front row}

Blessings in a Basket is so so honored to be sharing this next message of love from an amazing adoptive family!

Happy Mother's Day from Brandon and Corrine

"I wouldn't be a Mother without Our daughter's Birthmom, Kara! She made us a family 5 years ago and life has been incredible ever since. There is not enough said about Birthmoms On Mother's Day and i do not like Birth moms day being separate from it- YOU ARE MOMS REGARDLESS of placement- YOU DESERVE ALL THE CREDIT LOVE AND ADMIRATION on MOTHER'S DAY too!

Now, On This Mother's Day, I'm happy to announce that after 2.9 years of waiting and searching, we will be PARENTS again b/c of a Miraculous Birthmom, Jessica! We met her last weekend and our worlds changed forever!
We know she was led to us and we started praying for OUR BIRTHMOM months ago- without even knowing who she was or how she would come into our family!

So... to All Birthmoms( and Moms too)... Words will never be able to express your selfless love for your children! We are divinely blessed forever b/c of your choices! Our Combined (BM's and AP's) choices will effect these tiny humans who will be raised to become outstanding individuals b/c of both our efforts! The Core of Adoption is LOVE!
We love you all- And I mean it- I've never met someone in adoption that i have not grown a friendship with! Thanks is not enough- but, it will have to do!
http://brandonandcorrine.blogspot.com/

~Corrine & Brandon"

Congrats to Corrine and her beautiful family! We are so excited for them and will be happy to have Jessica join our family of birthmoms if she will have us! ;) Mothers come in all shapes and sizes, all walks of life...but they are all special! They all have purpose and have been something meaningful in our life! For those still waiting for the chance to be a mother..keep the faith! There is a baby waiting for you...stay focused!

Happy Mother's Day!

We love you all so much!

Daniel and Lyndsie-Hoping to Adopt!

I have the had the incredible opportunity to talk with another amazing couple hoping to adopt! Daniel and Lyndsie are beautiful people inside and out! They came across BIB and were so positive and supportive!

I always feel so blessed when I get to help out an adoptive family...we LOVE them so so much and know that they play a vital role in the adoption process.

Here is a little about Daniel and Lyndsie...if you are a birth mother or know of a birth mother that is looking for a family..take the time to look over their profile!

"Daniel and I are just two ordinary people who want to share with the world the extraordinary "Love Story" the Lord has written for us! We truly believe that we have....A Love Worth Waiting For! Daniel and I met in the Summer of 2000 at a Summer camp. I was 13 and Daniel was 15. We didn't realize it then, but even at such a young age God was already writing our love story! Daniel and I have been through a lot during the past 10 years that we have known each other! In the Spring of 2006 at the age of 19, I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer and then again in the Spring of 2008. Unfortunately in the Spring of 2008 at the age of 21, I had to have a total hysterectomy. Even though this was absolutely devastating for us, we know that God still has a plan! After 7 months of intense chemo, on April 25th 2009 Daniel and I were married!! Our wedding day was the best day of ours lives! April 25th 2009 I married my prince charming, my soul mate, my best friend, and my dream come true! I couldn't have asked the Lord for a better man to call my husband!..."

They really are the cutest couple ever! To read their whole story take time to look over their blog...it is awesome!

A LOVE WORTH WAITING FOR

We wish Daniel and Lyndsie all the luck in the world and our prayers are with you...

Guest Blogger

I {Ashley} had the great opportunity to be a guest blogger on The Blessings of Adoption.


It was so great to write a piece for them and I hope to get to write for them again! Thank you Clayton and Angie for inviting me to your blog!



You can read the post {HERE}


Plus...you can get a sneak peak of one of our NEW Big Tough Girl buttons that will be available for you to put on your blog/websites!

A 5 year journey..Celebrating life...his and mine!

Wow...before I dive into all the many many things that I wanted to talk to you all about I just have to say how incredibly blessed I feel and how much I love all of you! My heart is so full! This is a warning that this is going to be the longest post in the history of blogging but I hope that you will stick with it and read it all the way through....there is quite a story to tell with many characters!!! It is hard to sum up a journey like mine in a few paragraphs. Today is my son's birthday.........wow, one sentence and the tears have already started to fall!! He is 5 years old today! I have spent the past few weeks going over this day in my mind...this journey that I have taken, the paths that I have crossed...the life that I have lived. The reflection has been heartbreaking and happy and unbelievable. I had the amazing opportunity on Saturday to see my son for the first time in 3 years....He is such a little person, he is so much a part of his family...looks, personality EVERYTHING. I was so blessed to have my husband and daughter there..I could always feel my husbands eyes on my, carefully as if he was ready to reach out and catch me any second....they helped me to keep my perspective. I have realized so many things from my journey and I wanted to share them with you.... I am giving my warning right now...you may not agree with all that I have to say, you may be upset by some of the things that I have to say but PLEASE keep in mind as you read this post that it is out of LOVE for all of you that I share my thoughts and that I always stay totally honest with you....all of our situations are different, all of us have different perspectives and are in different places of the "process"....this is where I am after 5 years.... I have been thinking about birth moms so much lately..you have all been in my heart and in my prayers. My heart is sad for those of you that are hurting and so full for those that are at peace. After seeing my son today at the stage that I am in with my life I wanted to share with you my feelings and thoughts on being a birth mom!....first of all I want you all to know that I take being a birth mom very seriously and it is something that I am very very proud of....but it something that I have a GREAT deal of respect for and something that I feel is very very sacred! I started BIB with the birth moms in mind, and wanted to share my story with so many but I wanted to do it with respect for myself, the adoptive families, my son and for all of those birth moms that I was going to be coming in contact with....it is such a delicate situation and it is my prayer that you will all have a humble, respectful and reverent attitude about being a birth mom and that your actions reflect who you are....you are BIG TOUGH GIRLS but what makes you one is your sweet, giving, compassionate, strong, humble hearts....being a birth mom is NOT about gaining acceptance from all of those around you...it is about life, sacrifice and love....people don't have to "get it" or "accept it"...that doesn't change what you did and who you are....be proud of who you are, be humbled by what you are, be reverent for what you gave and have respect for those that are like you....I am so proud to be a birth mom, I love who I am and what I have done....I am humbled by the blessings in my life and the opportunities that have been placed before me....I am a Big Tough Girl... Being a birth mom is not about getting recognition and it is not about patting yourself on the back, or thinking that you deserve attention and special rights. This is where this post is going to get a little bit touchy...................take a deep breath.........................here we go!! Part of the healing process, humility, repentance, forgiveness and peace comes with being able to admit and accept several things that come with being a birth mom. One of those things is accepting the fact that as a birth mom we are selfish. There are so many that want to praise us and make us feel like we are angels and answers to prayers and amazing women but I am going to be totally honest with you (I am becoming famous for that...good or bad...) I don't deserve ANY of those praises that come my way...and you KNOW WHAT!!??? It is ok, because it is true. My decision to give my baby up for adoption was not TOTALLY a selfless act...and I think that if you are being honest with yourself then you will agree.....I did not go to my adoptive family before I got pregnant and ask them if I could carry their child....I was irresponsible, got pregnant, was in a less than desirable situation and I did not want to have a baby...WOW!!!! I know you are all dying right now that I just said that.....................................................................................................Well, I am going to say it again...I did NOT want a BABY!! Ok, that is a lot to take in...lets break it down so we don't all have a heart attack and decide to hate me and BIB forever!!!! 1. I love my son very much and there is no one that could tell me other wise 2. I did not want to raise a baby in my time of my life in the situation that I was in 3. Out of ALL the options that were available....adoption was the least selfish and allowed joy for those that were involved. 4. Giving my baby, the responsiblity and the burden to another family allowed me to move on and have a life for myself.... That is a pretty selfish list.....but one that ALL birth moms think about! In my opinion the praise should go to the adoptive family. They are the ones that step up, and willingly take on the responsiblity, financial burden, spiritual expectations etc of raising my child that was brought into this world because of a poor decision on my part..... Do me a favor.....step back, take a deep breath..............................................................tell yourself that you are going to be ok....that you made the BEST decision to fix a poor situation...................you were a little bit selfish....................take another deep breath................accept that thought..........................SEE!!!!!!!!! We are still ok!!!!!!!!!!!! We are still alive and are still respected for our decisions..... The truth is, I had to accept the ENTIRE truth of the adoption process before I was able to truly find peace and MOVE forward....and that is what BIB is all about! We are here to provide healing and a life to move forward with....a way to network and connect, to heal and to love...NOT to give you credit for being irresponsible for getting pregnant and giving your baby up for adoption..........................OH MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Are we still hanging in there????? Are we still breathing????? Do we still love BIB???????????? I HOPE SO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets tone it down for a minute......I want to pause and tell you all how much I love you! I think that we all make mistakes...no one is perfect and all of our situations are different! But I think that we are all incredible, brave women that deserve to find peace, deserve to be happy and deserve to go on to live a beautiful happy and healthy life beyond this "process"....in spite of this "process" but most importantly, BECAUSE OF THIS PROCESS!!!!!!....I want you to be able to move forward with a clear mind and an open heart and we can't do that if we are not honest with ourselves and with each other.....we are Big Tough Girls....

5 years ago I placed my son in the arms of another woman, another mother. I loved her and respected her and hated her all at the same time. Now......there is only love, respect and appreciation. The woman that took my son is HIS MOTHER! I don't even feel that I have the right to call him my son...that word comes with so much responsibility and stress and love and worry and burden and joy. Now that I have my own daughter, my own family I understand....she is more of a "mother" than I could have ever claimed to be if I would have kept him for myself. It has been hard and sad and scary and frustrating to take this road....to be here where I am today....but we are here....and some days you could knock me over with a feather, and others I am ten feet tall and bullet proof!! It never goes away!!!...NEVER....quit expecting it to develop into something different....it is always going to be there....YOU HAVE TO LIVE around that...it is a part of you, you have to except it....don't let the hatred and the anger and the grief get the best of you....

We are going to help you in every way possible...to feel the peace that I feel...it is possible...no matter your situation...and you know what?? IT IS OK to WANT TO BE HAPPY...to want to be AMAZING!!!...you deserve it just like any one else!!!! And............................I am going to make it easy for you and put you in touch with those that can help!

I have been so blessed and have had the amazing opportunity to meet some amazing people in my journey. You all know my dear "sister" Stephanie St. Claire from BLISSBOMBED who has so much wisdom to offer all birth moms. She has incredible insight and is adopted herself...her love for the birth moms is unconditional. She is a such an incredible loving soul and I am proud to call her a friend.

I reached out to an amazing woman....we will call her PINK MOSS for now! Major introductions coming....this is not the last that you will hear about her!! I read her story over the weekend and cried and cried. She has developed an amazing project and I am so honored to have the opportunity to have her "join" our BIB family....I want to share with you what she is writing about you and us.........(by the way Pink Moss, I am not that much younger than you!!) :)

I was contacted over the weekend by an amazing lady {A lady younger than me...I am sure} You can read her story HERE. I am contacted by people ALL the time wanting me to advertise for them, or write about their product for profit sometimes and other times not. I haven't come across much that has been worth my time yet, or if it is, simply don't have the time. This is the same reason I rarely do give a ways, I can't spare any more time for the blog. Until, I "met" Ashley. She gave up her baby for adoption five years ago *ON THIS DAY* Somehow she came across my adoption story and thought we could help each other out. She has started an amazing non-profit organization called "Blessings in a Basket". She has an amazing vision of what she wants to accomplish, one of them being a retreat for girls that have adopted their babies to other people. It is to help them get back on their feet and help them continue in their life and not give up. She asked me to come to the retreat and do a (PIMDE) workshop. Do you remember my other blog? I started it for my daughters and collected letters from women all over the Internet written to their 12 year old selves. Some were funny, some serious, all reflective...but most of all EVERYONE that sent a letter in really enjoyed the process. After I got that blog going..it took off really well..and then summer came. And ALL the kids were home ALL day and it slowed down. Fall rolled around and right when I took a picture of myself lying on the hammock with one daughter left at home and feeling so calm, Handsome came into our lives. So PIMDE was left for later...I didn't know where to take it from there. Now I am excited to work with Ashley and figure the best way to make awesome and add it to her retreat at a cabin in the Unitas. I'll keep you updated on that, but for now check out how awesome Ashley is at "Blessings In A Basket" Maybe say hello and send a quick note or prayer for her on this very hard day. I am just so impressed she is doing something with her heartache and not letting it take over her life in sadness. I am sure it is something a birth mother never gets over, but we can all use our trials to learn and grow or to take us down and

ASHLEY IS NOT GOIN' DOWN!

I would not welcome just anyone into my BIB family...this is so precious to me...almost sacred and I want you all to know that you are in good hands. Our Retreats are going to be incredible...and something that you can NOT afford to miss!!! If you are a birth mom at ANY stage....you can never hear this stuff enough!!

I want you all to know that I did not plan for my life to turn out like this. I wanted the dream..in the old fashion sense of the word and everything that entailed. I wanted the hubsand and house and perfect kids and the picket fence.......and what I got was several divorces, drug and alcohol, cancer, unwanted pregnancy and so much more......but here I am 5 years through that journey...and you know what??? I AM LUCKY!!!! My life took the path it did and I can't change that...I can't beat myself up over it any more..I can't wish for something different...because if I open my eyes and look around...

I have the husband and a house and a perfect child and another perfect child that is loved and happy...I have family and friends and I have all of you!!!!!!!! I am lucky and I am blessed and I am proud of where my life has taken me....I am a big tough girl!!!!!!

Happy Birthday Derek. I love you. I am so proud of you. I am happy to see that you don't need me. You are well taken care of and will never want for anything....

To your family, I thank you. You have given me my life, and I treasure it and celebrate it. You took my burden and created the most beautiful boy that I have ever seen. I will always be in debt to you.

To all the birth moms, families, friends, men and woman that are reading this...you are blessed. Your trials are a blessing. Your journey is beautiful and unique and you are the ONLY person that can create that journey.

My heart is full.

Nathan and Holly-Looking to Adopt!

Here is another incredible family that I am happy to help spread the word...Good Luck to Nathan and Holly...I hope and pray that you find what you are looking for!

We met at church while attending Utah State University...but we fell in love at Band Camp. Really. We share a deep love of music of all kinds, and that love has blessed our lives. Nathan is currently serving in the US Navy as a Musician. It's great because he gets all the benefits of the military without the chance of being sent into a war zone. We were married on a chilly February morning in 2002. During our nine years of marriage we've had good times and bad, just like everyone else. What has helped us is our love of laughter; sometimes when situations feel so hopeless, laughing at them makes it easier to get past them. Through our struggle to become parents we've clung to each other and developed a very strong marriage. We love to spend time outdoors, playing games with friends and at any music venue. Nathan loves riding tractors, playing basketball & sound engineering. Holly loves photography, baking and all things girly. We both come from large families and we can't wait to add some of our own leaves to those family trees. We have one cat named Winston, who is the ruler of the house. While we've loved having time together, we are more than ready to be parents. It is something for which we've hoped and prayed for almost seven years.

If you want to learn more about us, you can check out our adoption blog: Nathan and Holly

Also check out our It's About Love profile

Michael and Michelle are HOPING to Adopt!

I once again have had an incredible experience with talking to an adoptive family. Michelle is an incredible woman and her and her husband have such a big heart! I wanted to share a little bit of their story! If you are a birth mom or know of one that is looking for a family...please take time to consider this incredible home: http://michaelandmichelleadopt.blogspot.com/

We are Michael and Michelle and we are a fun, family-oriented couple hoping to build our family through adoption.

When we met with the priest before we got married, Michael told the priest that he wanted 19 children. The priest laughed and actually made it part of his sermon at our wedding. Although 19 children were a little more than we truly wanted, the priest knew what Michael meant - that having a family is important to us.

We are looking forward to adopting a child. We decided that loving and nurturing a child was far more important than giving birth. Adoption offers us a chance to realize our dreams of being parents as well as to give a child a wonderful life with a lot of love, fun, support and encouragement. We are so blessed to have both family and friends who are very excited about our decision to adopt and have been willing to do anything to help us through our journey.

I am so blessed to interact with such amazing people every single day! I pray that Michael and Michelle will find what they are looking for!

xoxo

Ashley!

Awaiting Another Miracle Through Adoption!

Another amazing family that is awaiting for another miracle! Their blog is SO SO SO great and this is just a piece....

"Just so you know...
We are not your typical adoptive couple with a long drawn out sob story of how we are so destitute to have a child and how much we need you to choose us. We are not Baby Hoarders who just want to grab up all the adoptable kids of the world like all the Hollywood stars out there either. We are not here to convince anyone that we are perfect in every way and put on a front for you.

We are ,however, depending upon an amazing person to recognize what her heart is telling her. If we are the Right fit for your baby, then so be it. We are putting our Trust In God and having Faith that each one of our miracles will come into our family the way He intended them to. Thats just what we know, deep in our hearts and we will treasure each child as our own" read more HERE

I was so touched and moved by their honesty! They are such an exciting, energetic and loving family!

BIB is happy to help in any way that we can! If you are a birth parent or know of birth parents that are looking for a couple...you can contact Brandon and Corrine ANYTIME: brandonandcorrine@gmail.com


We love our adoptive families so much and our prayers are with Brandon and Corrine on their journey!

xoxo,

Ashley

Illinois FSA

I have had the great pleasure of talking with Christy Medley, the chair member with the Illinois FSA chapter. She is such a wonderful person and has put us in contact with incredible adoptive families!

She has posted a spotlight about BIB on their blog that you can read about HERE.

Thank you Christy for your love and support!...to all of those joining us for the first time WELCOME...spend as much time as you like and make sure you read all about our BIG TOUGH GIRLS!

Looking to Adopt...

I have had the incredible experience of talking with Ashley, a loving young woman who is looking to adopt with her husband John. They have been so generous and love what we are doing with BIB. I wanted to help them reach out!...so here is their story...they are looking to adopt! If you know of a birth mom that is looking for a family and they would be interested in talking with Ashley and John please contact them here:

If you would like to contact us, or e-mail address is : johnandashleylookingtoadopt@hotmail.com
You can also visit our blog at: http://johnandashleylookingtoadopt.blogspot.com/

Here is a little bit about John and Ashley (so crazy because that is my husbands name..we are John and Ashley too! hahaha! Meant to be!)

We are a young couple anxious to become parents. We were married March 6, 2006 in the San Diego LDS temple. We met at a church activity. John was stationed at Camp Pendleton, and I was living nearby.

About a year after we got married, we were transferred to Virginia. It was quite a change for us. Most of our family lives on the West Coast. Within months of being in Virginia, John deployed to Cuba. Shortly after his return from that deployment, he deployed to Japan. It was a challenging time for both of us, but in the end it brought us closer together.

We have been trying to have children for quite awhile now. We've been seeing fertility doctors for almost two years now. I was diagnosed with PCOS and endometriosis. I have had surgery to remove the endometriosis, but that didn't seem to help. Although it has been a rough, and devastating journey, it has made our marriage so much stronger. We have learned that we can get through anything as a couple as long as we work as a team. I would not trade our struggles for anything.

We have decided that adoption is the right path for us. We may pursue more fertility routes down the road, but right now we want to adopt a child. We both know that we could love a child that does not share our blood.

We currently both have presidency callings in our ward. John is in the Young Men's presidency and serves as assistant Scout Master. I curently serve as a counselor in the Young Women's organization. We both love our callings, and love to be of service to others.


Here is a dear letter that they wrote to the birth mom that will pick them!: (this just brings tears to my eyes remembering when I read the letter from my adoptive family...adoption is such an amazing process!!!!)

Dear Friend,

This letter has taken us a long time to write. We’ve been pondering about the feelings we would want to convey to you. What are the things we would want to know if we were in your shoes? We could never understand how you feel right now. We can’t comprehend the emotions you must be dealing with right now. Our hearts ache for you, and we wish we could comfort you at this rough time.

As we write this letter to you, we want you to know that we have the up most respect for you. Sure, maybe you made a mistake. We all make mistakes. But your decision to place your baby with an adoptive family is the most selfless, and loving thing that you could ever do. For that alone, we want you to know that we admire you. Your decision to give your baby a better life is the most selfless act there is. It is because of you that there is hope for us to become parents someday.

Ashley has looked forward her whole life to the time she would become a mother. She was always the one in church holding all the babies, and playing with all the kids. That’s how she first got into babysitting. People could tell she was just a natural around kids. Ashley started babysitting at about 12, and at 15 she picked up a part-time nanny job. She’s been doing it ever since. Ashley has never wanted to do anything else. She loves children.

Ashley comes from a fairly small family. She has one sister, one brother, and she’s the oldest child. She was born and raised in sunny San Diego, and loves to go back and visit any chance she can get. She is currently the only sibling who is married, and is hoping to give her mom her first grandchild.

John comes from a very large family with seven children. All his siblings are married and have children of their own. In total there are 22 nieces and nephews who all say John is their favorite uncle. He loves spending time with them whenever we get the opportunity to visit, and loves running around the back yard with 22 laughing children chasing after him.

We met in the spring of 2005 at a combined Singles Ward Activity in San Diego, CA. John was stationed at Camp Pendleton, and Ashley was living nearby in her hometown. We both had a mutual friend that introduced us to each other. To say we hit it off right away would be completely false. It took a lot of wooing on John’s part to win Ashley over.

We were married in March of 2006, so we are coming up to our 5 year anniversary. We’ve struggled with infertility ever since we’ve been married. It’s been rough for us to realize that we may not have the possibility of having our own children.

John about Ashley: My wife Ashley is one of the most caring people I have ever met. She is the type of person who always puts other people’s needs in front of her own. Ever since the day we first met I have always loved watching her smile, so I try to make her do it whenever I can. There is something about her smile that can’t really be captured in a picture or explained in words but whatever it is, it makes other people smile. I guess it is just part of her contagiously happy personality. Ashley sees people for who they are and always looks for the good in their heart, and because of that she is always quick to meet new friends.

She took the news that we were not going to be able to get pregnant pretty hard because she feels like raising children is what she is meant for. I often get jealous of the children she nanny’s for because I see how much she truly loves them. I know she loves them because I recognize that love. It is the same love she has for me. Plus they get fruit snacks. And although I kid about being jealous, it sometimes makes me sad to watch her with them because I know how much she wants to be not just the nanny but a mother, and it hurts my heart a little because we are not able to do that on our own.

Bravery is another attribute she has in great quantity. I like to think of bravery not as being unafraid but rather how you act when you are afraid, and my wife doesn’t let any of her fears stand in her way. In the almost five years that we have been married she has expressed her fears openly to me. Whether it be about money, moving to a new place, or fear of just the unforeseeable future, but one thing she has never done is let those fears hold her back from being happy and growing.

Ashley’s sense of humor and understanding nature are what I rely on to get me through the rough days we all sometimes have. No matter what it is, I know that I can always talk to her and she will find a way to help me feel better. Sometimes the things she tells me are not the things I want to hear but the things I need to hear, and that is one of the things that lets me know she truly loves me, because she cares enough to be honest when it might hurt a little to hear the truth.

Ashley about John: John is the perfect person for me in so many ways. He has more patience than anyone I have ever met. He puts up with my grumpiness, my moodiness, and whatever else I may be going through at the moment. He never gets angry, and is always the rational one.

One of the things that I admire most about John is how well he gets along with others. John does not have a mean bone in his body, and sees the best in everyone around him. He never has any negative words about others, and he always sees others for what is in their heart. Everyone gets along with John, and people just gravitate towards him. I’ve never met anyone who does not like John.

Another thing I really admire about John is his determination. When he wants something, or wants to change a bad habit in his life, he will not give up until he conquers his goal. When John has a goal, he obtains it. Nothing gets in his way, or slows him down. Nothing is too hard for John to achieve once he has his mind set on it. His determination and drive has made him a better man, a better husband, and a better Marine. I wish I had half the determination he has.

Ashley has always been interested in adoption, even before we found out about her fertility issues. Actually, she’s wanted to adopt almost every kid she’s ever watched. She has fallen in love with each one of them, and when they’ve moved, or we have moved, it’s been very emotional for her. For these reasons alone, we know we could love a child with different birth parents.

We feel that being parents is the most important job there is, and probably the hardest. We also know how rewarding it is. We feel very strongly that it is important for a mother to stay at home with her children. Ashley does not plan to work out of the home while our children are young. Once they start school, she may work while they are gone during the day, but she will be the one dropping them off at school in the morning, and meeting them when they get out of school for the day. We want our children to know that we are always there for them.

We want to raise our children to have faith, courage, and self-esteem. We want to teach them to have respect for themselves and for others. We want them to be strong in their convictions, and to be able to stand up for what they believe in. We want them to know that they will always be safe at home. We want them to be in a home with a loving father and mother who have a strong and healthy marriage. A happy home is what we want our children to be able to come home to every single day.

We are both very strong in our church. We are LDS (Mormon). Our religion focuses a lot on the importance of families. We believe we will be with our families for eternity. We know that however our family grows, whether through birth, or through adoption, it is the child who is meant to be with our family.

We understand that every birth parent’s desires are different, and no two cases are the same. Some birth parents want an open adoption, and others don’t. We are willing to work out either scenario. We want to do what is best for the child, for you, and for us. So we are open to discussing all possibilities.

We want to thank you for giving us hope that we can be parents. We have so much love to offer a child, and are so eager to become parents. We could offer a child an amazing, and joyful life. We hope we have shown you a glimpse at our hearts’ desires in this letter. Please know that you are in our daily prayers, and we hope you know that we think you are amazing.

If you would like to contact us, or e-mail address is : johnandashleylookingtoadopt@hotmail.com
You can also visit our blog at: http://johnandashleylookingtoadopt.blogspot.com/

Sincerely,

John and Ashley

We love John and Ashley and wish them the very best of luck in their search...we pray for them that they will find what they are looking for and that a birth mom's heart will be open to their family!

xoxo. Ashley

What No One Told Me About Adoption.

Our dear friend in the Chicago Area- WHAT WE CREATE is an adoptive mother and she posted this incredibly sweet post about adoption, about birth moms and dedicated it to our Big Tough Girls! We love you and thank you...it is always such a joy to hear from the adoptive families!

No one told me that I would instantly fall in love and bond with my daughter.

No one told me that I would be the one to hold our birth mother’s shaking legs, stoke her hair, rub her shoulders and back, and tell her how strong she is, while my daughter was making her grand entrance into this world.

No one told me that I would be the first to see the top of my daughter’s fuzzy head,~~ and, with the next push~~ I would be amazed that the squished up thing on the side of her face was her ear~~ and, when she fully emerged, I would be the first to hold her.

No one told me that I would be the one to stay in the hospital nursery to feed her, change her diapers, hold and protect her, and tell her how much I love her.

No one told me how important it would be for me to have her birth mother hold her and be with her in the hospital during the first 2 days of her life.

No one told me that I would bring a selection of baby of clothes to the hospital so that my daughter’s Birthmother could choose what our daughter would wear home from the hospital.

No one told me how much joy my husband and I would feel, and at the same time how much concern I would have in my heart for our birthmother, the afternoon we all left the hospital to go to our separate homes.

No one told me how I would cry when I knew our birthmother was signing the “Surrender papers”.

No one told me how much I would want to call her to see how she was doing.

No one told me that Kim would be Sage’s first babysitter and how comfortable I would be with that.

No one told me how appreciative I would be when we finish a conversation on the phone and Kim says, “tell Sage I love her”. By the way, this has been going on for ten years.

No one told me how important it would be for me to honor Kim on “Birth Mother’s Day, which is always the day before Mother’s Day.

No one told me how we would genuinely and naturally grow to love Kim, her parents, grandparents, and siblings.

No one told me how important is would be for me to have a birthday celebration with Kim and her family each and every year of Sage’s life. (and invite them to dance recitals, and theater performances, too).

No one told me how natural our open adoption would be for my daughter… She knows that I am her forever mom… the one who takes care of her each and every day… the one who’s heart she grew in for a very long time. She also knows, that she grew in, and come from Kim’s belly, and that because of Kim, we are a family.

No one told me how some people could never truly understand … and how others believe it is the most incredible gift for a child to be loved by so many.