Big Tough Girl Update-Kristina!

I have been in tears from the incredible email update from our very first birth mom. I am so blessed to have Kristina in my life. I LOVE her so much and she and I will always have an incredible bond that only birth moms can experience. I love her updates and am so happy for her. I am proud of her for working through her struggles. I am proud of her and Ray for working and growing together after their experience. It has been coming up on 5 months since Kristina had her baby and we were there for her very last days...I love her so much and she truly is a Big Tough Girl! I know that the first year is so so so hard while you are adjusting back to life physically, mentally and emotionally. Thank you again Kristina for sharing your thoughts and feelings, for opening up and for your strength. LOVE YOU my dear dear friend! xoxo, Ashley

Dear Ashley,

These past few months have been tough. I think the hardest part is dealing with all my emotions! They drive me crazy. I know it's only been 4 months since I have placed my baby girl up for adoption but I wanted to share with you some positive experiences that I got to have these months.

Dealing with my emotions is hard enough. Not even working 40 hours a week can keep my mind off it! I had a chance to talk to a girl that I worked with who is adopted. I told her my story about how I am a birth mom. She was shocked! You don't really hear about birth moms that much. They tend to just disappear when they've done what they needed to do. The girl had a lot of questions. Like "Does my birth mom ever think about me every year that she had me?" "Was it hard?" (I know the second one sounds like a silly question but I get asked it a lot. Someone who hasn't had to carry and take care of not only yourself but something living inside of you can never understand how attached you get. It's a 9 month commitment!) There is a lot of love that goes into not only carrying the child but even more giving it to someone who will love and take care of that child, also giving it more than you could ever give it at the time. She had lots of questions that I wish that I could have answers. She doesn't know who her birth mom or father is and has very little information. She always wonders where she came from and she is always going to have questions that would drive me crazy! I told her that I know that what I did was the right decision for my daughter and that IT WAS THE HARDEST DECISION I've ever had to make. I hope that I gave her some peace knowing that her birth mom HAD to love her enough to carry her and give her life too.

I had the most wonderfulest (I don't think that is a word, hahaa) weekend. For people who don't know my story, Jeff and Jessica Holmes, the family that adopted my daughter ARE LIKE FAMILY. Having more than an open adoption was what I needed. The one thing that I needed to accept was that was not my role to be mother. I will be no more than an aunt or sister to Cassidy. The Holmes came and visited Ray and I, (the father) this weekend for Ray's 24th birthday. Although it has been hard for Ray to accept that that is not his role, he did very well that weeked. I could see that when he held her and when she started to cry he would turn on "daddy mode". I held his hand and said, "it's okay hun, that's not our job." Ray and I are still together, growing strong from this experience that we went through. I'm VERY lucky to have his strength and support. We are going to make Cassidy proud of us, make sure that there is not a single doubt in her head that what we did for her was only out of love. I love you Ashley and all that you do. I'm glad for Blessings in a Basket and I've seen how it has not only touched my life but the other birth moms out there. We are Tough Girls.


Love,

Kristina