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Monday, January 10, 2011


Sometimes we have a hard time being patient with people as we go through the healing process. I have heard from many birth moms that are struggling with those around them...including birth fathers who don't feel like they are showing as much support or as much pain as the birth mom is....I hope and pray that what I have to say will help a little...

This is not easy and I am going to tell you right now that NO ONE including the birth father is EVER going to feel the kind of pain, loss, anger, guilt, connection, love and hope that you as a birth mom is going to feel...and we can't expect that from them. When people sign over their rights then some cut that connection right then and there...that doesn't mean that they don't care, think about, cry about the moments and about the enormity of the situation....they just don't act the way that the birth moms do.

Right after you give birth and you have a couple of weeks behind you, naturally you are going to be drawn to the adoptive family and are going to want to hear from them...they are giving you more love than you can find for yourself and any time you get communication from them you are excited and just for a moment you feel like what you did is AMAZING and you want everyone that was involved to feel the same way....that is not always going to happen.

Here is what I suggest.....those moments are FOR YOU...the big tough girl that whet through all the physical and emotional pain....ENJOY that moment...keep it private...spend time with pictures and letters and the love and hold on to them...study them because I promise that as time goes by you wont always feel that way...it changes...life moves on...the connection with the tiny new born that you held in the hospital gets smaller and smaller and soon that child is growing up and connecting with others...it is a BEAUTIFUL thing and it is as it should be...

Be patient, love yourself, don't expect to much from others that can never understand and just WORRY about taking care of you!!!! YOU are what matters right now...and the others will follow or they wont...

Be a big tough girl from start to finish...don't forget who you are and what you represent...your child and life!!!

You are amazing and we all love you so much!!!!!

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