Then and Now

Alright all you birth moms out there...I have had several requests to write about my pregnancy experience then, compared to my pregnancy now. There are so many things that I could talk about so I am totally giving a LONG POST WARNING!

SIZE
Then: I was very, very small. I was able to hide my pregnancy from EVERYONE until about my 8th month. It was not because everyone was clueless, I was just really small. I only gained about 20 lbs. You would think that I just had put on a few pounds. I was dating, going to the gym, going out with friends...I was doing everything that I could to act normal and hide my tummy!

Now: I had my daughter 8 months ago. I gained about 30lbs. but you could TELL I was pregnant. I am sure that it had to do with the fact that I was showing it off a little bit more and was more excited about the situation but it was very obvious. I was still pretty small and didn't get really big until my 8th month but was showing for several months before that.


FOOD:
Then: I didn't eat a whole lot. Again I was trying to hide the weight so I kept the eating down. I was super anemic so of course ICE was a main food group.

Now: ICE, Hostess chocolate doughnut gems, Blimpie sandwiches, grilled cheese and fry sauce from Sonic, anything chocolate, Diet RockStars...I ate alot more during this time.


STRETCH MARKS
Then: I had none, maybe a few light ones on my inner thighs but that is about it. I was really lucky.

Now: Stomach, legs, chest, arms...you name it. Not to dark but they are there!


ACHES AND PAINS:
Then: It was a breeze as far as how I felt. My restless legs were enough to drive me crazy by the end but that is about it.

Now: Heartburn, back aches, morning and afternoon and evening sickness, restless legs...it was really a hard pregnancy. I was seeing a high risk specialist because of my Cervical Cancer the whole 9 months so it was tough.

LABOR:
Then: I pushed for about 7 minutes and the doctor was literally running in to catch him as he came out. I was blessed, but I know it was for a reason, I was already going through so much...I needed it to be easy.

Now: Much harder!! I was in labor for 17 hours, on oxygen...all sorts of trouble..but she came..little stinker!!!

AT NIGHT...
Then: It was just me and him in the basement of my parents. It was the one time of day that I could except that I was pregnant. I would talk to him and rub my belly all the time. He had a heel in my rib cage for 4 months. It was our time together and we talked about everything.

Now: My husband and I would lift up my shirt and watch her Dance...she moved like crazy. She was called the "Alien" for a very long time, everyone was afraid that it would stick..she looked like she was going to bust through my tummy! It was so awesome!


NAME
Then: I let the adoptive family name him, Derek

Now: We named our daughter Tyler, after my oldest brother and one of my dearest friends, Tyler.


PICTURE:

Then: This is not the greatest picture but this is me at about 6months..I didn't change at all from this picture until the last few weeks. (Santa didn't seem to mind..)


Now: This was me when I was 9 months...haha! I miss that belly!!




FEELINGS:

Then: It was the hardest, saddest most incredible thing that I have ever experienced. There will never be anything like it. And even if I had a million kids, NO pregnancy would compare with the first, especially because he was adopted by someone else. It was not how it was supposed to be. I am so happy that he is with a family that loves him and takes care of him! I think of Derek all the time and love him very much!

Now: It was right, I was married and had all the support in the world. I was excited, I was nervous...I was actually going to have to bring this one home! It was so special..I thought about Derek the whole time, thinking about how he has a new sister...I think my daughter is so incredible and I love her more and more everyday. After having her, I don't know how I ever had the strength to give Derek away...but if I hadn't, I wouldn't have Tyler and Derek wouldn't have his mom and dad.....Life is amazing, and shouldn't be messed with. I gave him life so that he could have a life!

I loved both experiences and I have been blessed to be able to go through two very different scenarios. I will cherish them both as long as I live.